New Year

So here we are, all shiny and new. Wonder what this one will bring?

Minuses: I'm disabled, depressed, broke, in pain, and living in a board-and-care will where all the others are thirty to forty years my senior.

Pluses: I have good old friends and have made good new ones, I'm still able to get out to the library and church and to do volunteer work on my computer. I can read good books and have long conversations and feed a stray cat in the back yard.

I had the stray cat spayed and made friends with and found homes for her kittens.

So far I think the pluses have it.

Holding On

The sad fact is, Christmas is over. Done. Finished. I'm still trying to hold onto it, but it's pretty hard. The Christmas music on the radio cut off at the stroke of midnight on the 26th. Never mind, I have a full iPod and can listen to my own selections. I can revisit the Grinch and Rudolph and Charlie Brown on DVD. I can stare at the Christmas tree.

But finally, it all starts to break down; and once you've watched the ball drop and the Rose Parade, it's pretty much impossible to hold onto the illusion.

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My Favorite Day of the Year

Yes, Christmas Eve, not Christmas Day, is my very favorite day of the year. It's all about the anticipation hanging in the air, the feeling that it's almost, almost there, just out of reach. All the last minute things to do, hanging the stockings, putting cookies out for Santa, the children wriggling with impatience. The empty streets late at night, giving the feeling that all of the world's shut down. That everyone's home with their families or friends, safe from the cold and snow. It's an idealized feeling, this kind of Christmas Eve.

Fear

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Ow

Rain, rain, go away... It's been raining since last Friday, and my joints HURT. And it's cold; the heater is on the fritz. This winter is going to be a test case for me and my RA: I had to go off my NSAIDs for the first time in 35 years back in May, due to possible kidney concerns. So, no more NSAIDs for me, never again, nothing higher than a low-dose aspirin. I take plaquenil and methotrexate, and I got a fresh cortisone shot in my knee on the 10th, just to load up for the winter. But I still hurt. And yes, I know this is sunny southern California, not blizzard territory, so yes, I know it could be worse. But it's been raining for four days, and I HURT.